my story
The publication of my story will presumably take place in 2013.
It will be a never ending story because the issue of the spinal column and my friend Mgongo will accompany me as long as I live.
I'm inviting you to experience with me how a deep friendship came out of my back troubles.
I want to give you a little preview at this stage:
December 1st 1984 – my wedding day.
It was a big party and the pre-wedding party the day before was a test for my ability to endure. I was feeling good! Well, my back ached a few times those last years. I ignored that. I was young after all – only 28 years old at the time.
The first two weeks of my marriage had been wonderful. Then Christmas came and the visit of my newly made mother-in-law. Right before the wedding we had moved to a new house. What was still missing was a guest room befitting the rank of Mom!
Her expectations were high: first floor, because steps should be avoided – proximity to the bathroom, so that she can get there without walking through the whole house at night – an appropriate bed, not too tall, not too low, to make getting up easier – the appropriate furniture - everything up to the color of the wallpapers. There had to be wallpapers because white walls – which we had everywhere else in the house – reminded her too much of the hard times of war and postwar.
I held back my personal thoughts on this issue and went for it with my husband. After all – she was his mother – and I wanted to have a good start with her.
Then it happened in the evening of the first day of the renovation: I was bending down for a wallpaper roll when I felt a stabbing pain in my back and I was barely able to move. The "professional" diagnosis of my husband was "sciatica" and my former family doctor subscribed to this view the next morning. He gave me an injection and a few pills, the pain was reduced and I went on! " You see? It's alright" my husband said with a content smile asking me to carry the dratted bed for my mother-in-law from the one room to the other.
It wasn't possible, but since I wanted to please him I still did everything I had to. Christmas came, my husband enjoyed the admiring glance of his mother. Everything was perfect – for the others – not for me. My cheekbones already hurt of constantly gritting my teeth. The result of my silly efforts to please everyone followed instantly. The pain got almost unbearable and went from my back over my whole left leg to the toes. I couldn't get an appointment with a specialist before the end of the holidays. Until then I self-medicated me with syringes, pills, lots of well-meant but totally incompetent advices from my family and friends and to top it off with my anxiety. I felt completely helpless and had no idea how to go on. What was wrong with my back and why the hell did it hurt so much? Could I keep working? I would have to call in sick right after my honeymoon – great, my boss will be thrilled. And my husband was disappointed, actually - what would happen to my new marriage! I had imagined all this a whole different way! Of course, he touchingly took care of me and showed a lot of compassion. But I could clearly see it in his eyes: "Oh god – what have I done?!
At the beginning of January I experienced my first appointment with an orthopedist. When I think of this examination today, it always comes along with some kind of humor. At first I had to lie down and relax, and then my legs got lifted, turned and bent. I had to bend down, to stretch, to walk on my heels and my toes – which had all been impossible –like already mentioned I was nearly unable to move!!
After this torture was over the doctor confronted me with some medical expressions that I didn't understand and his conclusion was "herniated disk". By then I had never heard this expression and I let explain him everything. With the aid of a model of a spinal column the doctor showed me where the affected spinal disk was located in my case. This spinal disk bore against my nerves and was the reason for my pain.
So far, so good! I really thought that right now the therapy would take place, maybe kind of a miraculous syringe and then the whole thing would be borne out. It wasn't!!
Next, the doctor told me that my spine had to be x-rayed, in the form of a computer tomography, a radiographical tomography procedure which could show us the exact nature of my herniated disk. Though he was very sure of his diagnosis, and I should get used to the thought that a surgery was necessary and decide about where the surgery should take place.
He was right: During the tomography four herniated disks were found. One of them was so massive that it could only be treated with a surgery. What we needed now was a fixed date for the surgery in the right clinic with the right surgeon. At the suggestion of a doctor friend of mine I decided to go to a clinic which was 200 km from my home. Unfortunately the earliest possible time for the surgery was four weeks later. So at that time I still had four weeks to be afraid of the surgery, to imagine every single negative consequence, to feel lonely, desolate and fated. I began to consider whose fault all this had been!! Of course my mother-in-law was the first one to come into my mind and my husband as well! Yes, all of my in-laws were responsible for my suffering.
I'm afraid I had been really difficult to support at the time!
Let yourself be surprised how the story continues!
Kind regards,
Gabi Müller
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1985 intervertebral disk surgery, lumbar spine |
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2005 intervertebral disk surgery, cervical spine,
two implants
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2009 intervertebral disk surgery, lumbar spine,
two implants
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2012 I'm fine! When I think of my story today, I have a smile in my face.
I don't know what future will bring, but I am sure that my friend Mgongo and I will find a good way to handle it. |